The whole darn fam

The whole darn fam

Thursday, February 4, 2010


Hi all!

We are one week post surgery, and doing well!(relatively speaking!) Sam continues to be a trooper--and is handling his lack of movement much better than I expected. He seems content to have his toys surrounding him and having his brothers and sisters entertain him by running in circles around him!

Nights continue to be rough--he wakes up alot. Can't blame him though! I went back down to John's Hopkins yesterday for a follow up appointment--and the Dr. said all looks well. I just have a hard time swallowing the fact that he will be in surgery again one week from today! ugh! He will have more skin grafts done. This will be a less painful surgery for him--but we will be in the hospital 3-5 nights this time.

I now have a new appreciation for parents that have children that are chronically ill-or that require alot of hospitalizations. This ain't for sissys! I have to admit--that I re-read my last post and felt like I sounded a bit too much like "Suzy Sunshine". Reality is--I am tired, overwhelmed, and have been short with my other kids. I then feel guilty about that-it's not their fault I'm tired. I have a very hard time also with the fact that Sam has to do any of this. It brings me straight back to the pain that he must of been in when this initially happened. That just crumbles me.

I also felt like if I complained too much about my "real" feelings--that people might judge me. As an adoptive parent--I often worry that if we are to voice our feelings about some of the hard stuff--people will think--"well-you signed up for it!"--or that you regret the adoption in some way. This could not be farther from the truth. I often grapple with the fact that if Sam hadn't been burned--he would not be with us. So what kind of sicko does it make me that in a weird way-- am happy for his disability because it brought him to us? Crazy--I know. I just ADORE him. Truly ADORE! He is a gift--and even though this journey is hard--I would not trade it for anything. I just wish (just like with ANY of my kids) that he didn't have to do it!

I also wish that I was better equipped to deal with the emotional aspect of it. I am having a tough time, I admit. I don't like hospitals, surgery, or anything that hurts my kids. Combine the three-and it sends me reeling!

There--that feels better. I got it off my chest! I am NOT super mom--capable of adopting/parenting in a single bound! But that doesn't mean that I would change anything about my life. I LOVE my life. I cherish my kids. I am madly in love with my husband still--after 13 years! I am very blessed--in so many ways.

I'm just havin' a rough patch. And I feel a tad guilty about how many times that I used "I" in this post.

Oh--the guilt--it never ends............

Till next time--pray for us!!




Cindy said...

Oh Amy, you are super Mom! And you are human and without having walked in your shoes I know everything you are feeling is normal and you are doing an amazing job. I wish I was closer to the hospital, I would meet you there and bring coffee. I will be thinking of you all all week.
Much love, Cindy

Ann Marie said...

Having a child having surgery, in pain and a tired mommy is rough stuff. We have been through it many times. Just because you adopted doesn't mean you expected everything that happens...just like when you found out you were pregnant it didn't mean you understood all that was ahead with your bio kids. Know that when your stregth fails God is in Him.


Ann Marie

Chris said...

Lady, how far away do we actually live from each other? Do you have someone cooking and doing laundry for you? I'm serious...we are 10 min from the Reading exit of the turnpike. Let me know if it is feasible for me to help you.
Know what you mean when you say about not complaining...I worry about that too, but I think most of your readers understand (least I hope so)

Heidi Welshans Photography said...

Your posts always leave me in tears. Good tears though. I feel for you, and am praying for your family and that precious little Sam. I'm also praying that you'll have the strength to keep on going. Moms don't have much of a choice, do they?:) I know you have so many friends, but I'd love to help out if I can in ANY way.

Tara said...

Oh Amy! No one thinks anything bad of you. I know I admire you and all you do. You are a strong wonderful mom who will get through this, just like everything else. Hang in there. It will all be worth it in the end.