We are one week post surgery, and doing well!(relatively speaking!) Sam continues to be a trooper--and is handling his lack of movement much better than I expected. He seems content to have his toys surrounding him and having his brothers and sisters entertain him by running in circles around him!
Nights continue to be rough--he wakes up alot. Can't blame him though! I went back down to John's Hopkins yesterday for a follow up appointment--and the Dr. said all looks well. I just have a hard time swallowing the fact that he will be in surgery again one week from today! ugh! He will have more skin grafts done. This will be a less painful surgery for him--but we will be in the hospital 3-5 nights this time.
I now have a new appreciation for parents that have children that are chronically ill-or that require alot of hospitalizations. This ain't for sissys! I have to admit--that I re-read my last post and felt like I sounded a bit too much like "Suzy Sunshine". Reality is--I am tired, overwhelmed, and have been short with my other kids. I then feel guilty about that-it's not their fault I'm tired. I have a very hard time also with the fact that Sam has to do any of this. It brings me straight back to the pain that he must of been in when this initially happened. That just crumbles me.
I also felt like if I complained too much about my "real" feelings--that people might judge me. As an adoptive parent--I often worry that if we are to voice our feelings about some of the hard stuff--people will think--"well-you signed up for it!"--or that you regret the adoption in some way. This could not be farther from the truth. I often grapple with the fact that if Sam hadn't been burned--he would not be with us. So what kind of sicko does it make me that in a weird way-- am happy for his disability because it brought him to us? Crazy--I know. I just ADORE him. Truly ADORE! He is a gift--and even though this journey is hard--I would not trade it for anything. I just wish (just like with ANY of my kids) that he didn't have to do it!
I also wish that I was better equipped to deal with the emotional aspect of it. I am having a tough time, I admit. I don't like hospitals, surgery, or anything that hurts my kids. Combine the three-and it sends me reeling!
There--that feels better. I got it off my chest! I am NOT super mom--capable of adopting/parenting in a single bound! But that doesn't mean that I would change anything about my life. I LOVE my life. I cherish my kids. I am madly in love with my husband still--after 13 years! I am very blessed--in so many ways.
I'm just havin' a rough patch. And I feel a tad guilty about how many times that I used "I" in this post.
Oh--the guilt--it never ends............
Till next time--pray for us!!