I didn't want to know how many children were waiting every day for parents to love them...but now I do.
I didn't want to see the faces staring at me from their tiny beds, and sleeping in the rows of cribs at the orphanage....
but I saw.
I didn't want to see my daughter scream with terror when she was handed to me and feel the heartbreak she felt, and see the pain in her nanny's eyes...
but I felt it.
I didn't want to meet my almost 18 month old son, and realize that he couldn't eat, walk, or play.....
But I did.
I didn't want to watch the only person from his orphanage walk away from him with barely a wave...but I watched.
I didn't want to see pictures of my child, waiting for me, in extreme poverty--looking lost, looking hungry, and looking forgotten...
but I saw.
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I didn't want to bring my child home to experience more pain through the surgeries he needed, and to watch him suffer yet again...
but I did.
I didn't want to hear the boy in the hospital room next to Sam screaming in pain all night....
but I heard.
I didn't want to see the 6 year old girl hooked up to a ventilator, with her mother sobbing over her bed...
but I saw.
I didn't want to see the mother from Pakistan wheeling her child with a malignant brain tumor through the halls..
but I saw.
I didn't want to know, I didn't want to see, I didn't want to feel all of these things.
But I have.
And because of all that I have known, seen and felt--I have gotten perspective. A perspective that I would never have known without adopting two special needs children from China. A perspective that is life altering, life affirming, and priority changing.
A perspective that allows me to let the laundry wait for another day because there are butterflies to be watched.
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A perspective that doesn't fret over spilled drinks, dirty floors, hand prints on windows, or "experiments" in the sink.
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A perspective that helps me to praise God night after night for "just" a runny nose, or bad cough.
A perspective that allows me to enjoy my children like I might never have.
I thank heaven above for letting me live to get this perspective and for bringing these children into my life.
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And now--I have got to go--
there is a sidewalk chalk masterpiece waiting to be admired!
Amy xoxoxo