I didn't want to know how many children were waiting every day for parents to love them...
but now I do.
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I didn't want to see the faces staring at me from their tiny beds, and sleeping in the rows of cribs at the orphanage....
but I saw.
I didn't want to see my daughter scream with terror when she was handed to me and feel the heartbreak she felt, and see the pain in her nanny's eyes...
but I felt it.
I didn't want to meet my almost 18 month old son, and realize that he couldn't eat, walk, or play.....
But I did.
I didn't want to watch the only person from his orphanage walk away from him with barely a wave...but I watched.
I didn't want to see pictures of my child, waiting for me, in extreme poverty--looking lost, looking hungry, and looking forgotten...
but I saw.
I didn't want to bring my child home to experience more pain through the surgeries he needed, and to watch him suffer yet again...
but I did.
I didn't want to hear the boy in the hospital room next to Sam screaming in pain all night....
but I heard.
I didn't want to see the 6 year old girl hooked up to a ventilator, with her mother sobbing over her bed...
but I saw.
I didn't want to see the mother from Pakistan wheeling her child with a malignant brain tumor through the halls..
but I saw.
I didn't want to know, I didn't want to see, I didn't want to feel all of these things.
But I have.
And because of all that I have known, seen and felt--I have gotten perspective. A perspective that I would never have known without adopting two special needs children from China. A perspective that is life altering, life affirming, and priority changing.
A perspective that allows me to let the laundry wait for another day because there are butterflies to be watched.
A perspective that doesn't fret over spilled drinks, dirty floors, hand prints on windows, or "experiments" in the sink.
A perspective that helps me to praise God night after night for "just" a runny nose, or bad cough.
A perspective that allows me to enjoy my children like I might never have.
I thank heaven above for letting me live to get this perspective and for bringing these children into my life.
And now--I have got to go--
there is a sidewalk chalk masterpiece waiting to be admired!
there is a sidewalk chalk masterpiece waiting to be admired!
Amy
xoxoxo
6 comments:
I’ve never commented here before, but I’ve followed your blog for a while. You’ve often had posts that have spoken to me and this was one of them. Thank you!! For speaking what’s on your heart and your mind. This is so true and captures some of what I’ve felt since coming home from China last August with our son. I was “aware” before that trip, but man oh man, that trip changed me in ways I never thought imaginable. I saw people… situations….pain and hurt on the streets in our son’s province that I will never be able to get out of my head – but I don’t want those images to go away. They help me keep life in perspective and remind me that there is more I can do, more that I want to do…. but how? What is it that I’m being called to do? That’s where I’m at now. Our son is such a blessing and I can't imagine what our lives would be like now without him. it's amazing at how he's changed me over the last several months. (whoa, first comment and it seems I've written a book!) Thanks again!
many blessings, jennifer
Beautiful!
xo, Cindy
Beautifully written....
sometimes heartbreak can be a beautiful thing.... for with it comes compassion and action.....
God bless the children...
What an amazing post. I was holding back tears reading this. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! I couldn't agree more on the importance of perspective.
No, I didn't want to see either...I thank God for the blessings we have and will receive.
Loved the post.
love this!!!
the ventilator scene got me to tears. uugh. that doesn't seem right.
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